Challenging Distorted Thoughts & Feelings

In the last post I talked about replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts, which at first was hard but it became easier and at last I didn't have the negative thoughts at all. We also talked about being in the present, in the book Mindfullnes Workout for OCD also talks about the importance of being in the present or rather thinking in the present. Many of us don't live in the present we live in the past most of the time and sometimes in the future getting worried about what might be. The book suggest that we practice meditation and breathing, breathing deep while being aware of what we think specially if we get a distorted thought an OCD thought the idea is to be in the present and not react to the thought but to simply acknowledge that there it is an that it may or may not make any sense but that we exist in that moment of breathing and that were seating some place the thought has no power it just simply is. We could analyze it or not we can definitely replace it with a positive thought. Meditation with the breathing technics can return us and/or ground us to the present.

The idea is to challenge the distorted way of thinking. Let me quote from the book:

"By using mindfulness to notice what your mind is doing— calling it out and saying, I’m doing ___________ (name of distortion)— you are simultaneously accepting it as it is and challenging it. When you become aware that your mind is engaging in a way of thinking, you open yourself to the opportunity to release that thinking and return to the present. The power of noticing when your thinking is distorted is the crossroad between cognitive therapy and mindfulness. When you challenge a distorted way of thinking, it’s important to remember that you are challenging the distortion, not the thought itself. In other words, you may have a thought about being dirty. That’s the thought you are having, so trying to convince yourself that you are clean will only push you in the direction of washing. However, challenging such notions as, Because I had a thought about being dirty, I must wash can give you the freedom to make a noncompulsive choice. So the goal is not to prove your fears away, but to demonstrate to your mind that you can be in the presence of your fear without having to respond to it with compulsions."

Besides thoughts we can also challenge feelings, feelings are not facts. We may feel that that something bad is going to happen if we don't do X ritual but, we can challenge not only the thought that led to the feeling but the feeling itself. Feeling at risk does not place you at risk thinking that you're the president or an astronaut does not make you that either.

With OCD we sometimes want to achieve perfection and or order we also tend to see things thought and feelings in Black and White the truth is that there are many gradients and many shades of gray , 256 shades of gray I think also, nothing in the world is perfect we may want it, we may even reach for perfection but it does not exist! who is to say what perfect is? And it is the imperfections that make everything beautiful, it is the shades that make colors beautiful and interesting, when looking at a beautiful mountain side or hill with many rocks and trees it is so beautiful and it is not a cube there are almost no straight lines or geometric shapes, nothing seems to be in order waterfalls rocks and trees are placed at random and the scenery is beautiful vibrant and alive with many colors, the imperfections is what makes it the perfect panorama, nothing is black and white or perfect so let's not try to make it so.

Challenging, observing, and replacing our OCD thoughts while they are happening will allow us to see how the thought is distorted and will allow us to see that it is only a thought, a thought only! We can breath, Analyze or meditate on that thought so that we can observe it and understand that it's only a thought triggering a feeling (fear or anxiety) or a feeling triggering a thought either way as we simply accept the thought for what it is and perhaps replacing it with a positive one (which leads to not be compulsive) will give us clarity to see that the that it was a distorted thought and we'll once again return to the present.

I guess OCD are distorted thoughts and feelings that lead to a distorted action. OCD always has the finger in the fear button, but if we ground ourselves in the present and just look at the thoughts for what they are we can make the mindful decision that we don't have to do the impulse.

Instead of obsessing over a thought or a feeling, let's just look at it for what it is and know that it has no power over you and no power over your actions which leads to no compulsion.

Know that

1. OCD Thoughts and feelings have no power over us.

2. Nothing is perfect.

3. Nothing is only black and white.

4. We cannot predict the future.

5. The past is gone so don't dwel on it. Don't dwel on it move on.

I've put this into practice and it has been wonderful. I have more energy, I'm in a better mood, I'm more creative, and a lot of my OCDs no longer have power over me!!! My goal is to not have any!

I gotta do some of the mindfulness we've been talking about in just a bit cause there is a few distorted actions I still do so I gotta explore what the thought process is there. I know I'll be fine and not do them,

Be well,

Eddie

 

 

On The Road To Better Thinking

The book I'm reading about OCD is called:

"The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD A Guide To Overcoming Obsession"

By Jon Hershfield, MFT in it he shares that he is on both sides of the therapist desk as he also has OCD, he also shares that along with "cognitive therapy" he has seen that "mindful awareness" Enhances the treatment. Let me quote what he quotes from the book The Road Less Traveled.

"In 1989, my father casually suggested that I read M. Scott Peck’s book The Road Less Traveled . I had never heard of it and was immediately struck by its first three words: "Life is difficult" (Peck 1978, 15). That’s quite an opener. But what followed was even more challenging: "Once we truly know that life is difficult— once we truly understand and accept it— then life is no longer difficult" (Peck 1978, 15)."

I believe that acceptance, as with many addictions could be the first step to getting rid of OCD, we need to accept that we have the condition. Am I suggesting that OCD it's an addiction? Well... It sure behaves like one at times. We are not chemically dependent on anything with OCD however we are dependent on irrational thoughts, fears, compulsions and obsessions.

"Obsessive- compulsive disorder is a psychiatric and psychological mental health issue. An obsession is an unwanted, intrusive thought. This type of thought may present itself as an idea, image, impulse, urge, memory, or other internal information, and you experience it as unwanted and distressing. A compulsion is a behavior designed to reduce or avoid the discomfort that comes from your experience of an obsession. This behavior may be physical, such as washing or checking, or mental, such as reviewing or neutralizing."

"Mindfulness is a concept grounded in the idea that you can observe what your mind is doing and decide for yourself how involved you want to be in the process. Mindfulness is the state of acknowledging and accepting whatever is happening in the present moment exactly as it is."

"To react to OCD is to jump into compulsions. To respond to OCD is to observe what your mind is doing and choose your next step."

In a journey to better my self not only from OCD but as a person in general I have read many books and they all seem to agree with this one even though they are meant for something else and not necessarily OCD.

In the Bible the Psalms has many writings or prayers on David asking Gid to create a new heart in him and to rejuvenate he's spirit.

Psalm 51:10 "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

Also, Joel Osteen on his first book talks about reprogramming your mind.

The reason I mention this is that in the past I use to have a lot of super negative thoughts. OCD can do that, you'll have a negative thought and bring that thought to an outcome or prediction which is horrible or negative and then the compulsion comes and you do irrational things so that this thought won't come true. Joel Osteen talks about how we can reprogram our brains to think differently. We have a monophonic brain not a polyphonic brain which is we can only hold one thought at the time in our minds, we can have a lot of thoughts at incredible speeds but only one at the time, so he suggest replacing that thought with something positive. So I started doing that every time I had a horrible thought I would replace it with the opposite thought, a very positive thought for example. If I thought I was to get in an accident or someone I loved was to get in an accident I would immediately replace that thought with the one of me getting a promotion or a loved one getting a promotion, it's our mind we should be in control of what it thinks haha so I did that for a while it wasn't easy but after a while I stopped having the negative thoughts.

Also, as some books by Wayne Dyer suggested, living in the present its very important. We exist in the past which has already happened and also worry about the future which is only in theory or in prediction but many of us don't exist in the present. We must let go of the past as painful as it may have been and not worry about the future.

The Bible also talks about this, we must have faith!

Mathew 6:34 - "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Isaiah 43:18 - "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past."

The Bible I guess is the first collection of self-help books haha.

Keeping in the present is very important because worrying about the past or suffering because of the past triggers the fear where OCD resides and also worrying about the future triggers a fear this fears are obsession that lead to compulsion and we react to this fears sometime in an irrational manner just to feel safe, but the past is in the past and the future hasn't happen and we are so busy existing in this quantum places that we don't get to enjoy our present, where we should be.

The mindfulness workbook also says "When you have OCD, being in the present may hurt; whereas letting your compulsions pull you away may spell relief.

I remember replacing my thought from negative to positive was not an easy task but it was a successful one, I've also always try to live in the present to acknowledge that yes I have lost dear friends, and maybe I should have zigged when I zagged but that is in the past. I just want to be a better person, a better human being for myself, for my family and people around me and to be of service to others. I am on the right track and that is a win :-)

 

You don't have to be an extremely religious person or a radical fanatic to benefit from the Bible. In fact it is the radical fanatics and ignorant extremist religious boneheads that probably keep people from reading it, but these people's actions have nothing to do with the real teachings and wisdom in the Bible so, not to get to preachy or religious but I like to end this post with this beautiful passage from the gospel of Mathew:

Matthew 6:25-34New International Version (NIV)

Do Not Worry

25 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

28 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Be well,

Eddie.

Eddie is a sentence. ( OCD humor for those whom I drive crash with my grammar spelling and punctuation)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

List of OCDs continued

In the last post I was listing the OCDs I perform through the the day to illustrate how silly and time wasting they can be I will continue the list on this post and I'm happy to report that I didn't do the majority of them and the world did not end haha.

I have to run the toaster once before I put the bread in so it burns anything dirty that might be in there I'm afraid of germs and getting sick.

I don't like touching other people's things like phones iPads computer keyboards the fear is that is dirty and I may catch something, also I don't like shakin hands specially with people I don't know.

I don't eat the end of my French fries or other food, I mean the end of the part my fingers touched if I didn't wash my hands I don't eat the end, and I don't eat the skin of an apple or grapes mostly cause I don't like them but I also feel they're dirty.

If I take a pill like an Advil when the pill comes out of the container it has to land on my hand with the logo facing up or else I'll put it back and I'll continue to do it till a pill comes out with the logo facing up that way I know I'm really taking and Advil and it's safe.

In the shower, I have to pray a certain way but I don't think I will change that because prayers have repetitions at times, I will make the distinction of what's OCD and what's devotion.

Before I turn that water off on the shower I kind of touched the knob four times and then I do this like little routine that's kind of stupid I was doing four sets of that routine I have brought it down to one, and that's probably been going on for a year or two.

When I close the door in my car when I get home, I have to close it and open it again then I lock it and I also have to break four times before stopping the car and shoting it off. Today I didn't do that.

When getting a piece of pizza I reach first to the piece to the right of 12 o'clock

When I brush my teeth I have a routine for it. I just have to alter the end of it to make it normal.

When I close a lid it has to line up perfectly or else I have to repeat the actions that led to closing the lid, today it didn't lined up. I didn't care I just straighten it and closed it.

All through the day I did not do the "rituals" and the world didn't end haha all in all it has been a good experience, a great win!!! Now I'm going to read the books on OCD try to apply what I learn and share the experience step by step.

 

Be well.

Eddie.

 

List of OCD through a day

I'll start the day by making a list of all the OCDs or rituals I do today so that I can put it on perspective to my self and others and to see how this condition can make you a slave, I will put in parentheses whether the ritual, the irrational action is new or has been with me for a while.

 

List of OCD new and old

Spitting 4 times to the right while peeing (old) somehow right is good left is bad

While turning a light switch to the down position I push it up again not enough to putt it on the up position, some how up is good down is bad (old)

I prefer the number 7 and the number 8. 4 is not bad 6 I do not like somehow I associated with the devil so I like numbers that end or have a 7 or an 8 so setting a thermostat would end up on 78 because it has both 7 and 8 all though 77 is ok but it gives me an uncomfortable feeling 76 it's a no-no cause it has a 6. 75 is OK. If I'm pumping gas I also have to land on a 7 or 8 or a number that adds up to 7 or 8 or 4 or 3 the thought here is if 6 is the number of the devil 7 is the number of God and eight is the number representing infinity and I associate that with GOD and eternal existence and that is good. 4 would be the points of a cross also good 3 would be the trinity "Father Son & Holy Spirit"

 

If I buy a guitar with a serial number or pick a telephone number or anything that has to do with numbers 7,8,4,3 are preferred 5, 2 and 0 are ok 9 it's also ok but least preferable since it is an upside down 6 this is a very old one (old) funny enough I live on 66 St, and there is a 6 on my house number and that never bothered me also I was for in the 60s haha

I exit and enter a building or a room leading with the right foot , again the though here is that right is good left is bad so I gotta lead with the right and everything will be fine, if I lead with the left I exit the building and re-enter this is one I have to hide from friends because is obvious so I'll pretend that I dropped something,that I saw something or that I think I forgot something so that I can re-enter or re-exit

(Old) it probably looks really stupid haha

I also if on a walk I prefer not to step on a crack and if I'm going to land on one; I do a little jump or add a little step so that I can avoid it and at the same time pass the crack leading with the right foot. (Old)

Totally not what I would do

So far today I've done a couple of these, rituals but some I've just remembered and shared them anyway. Most of them have been old but here is a new one, this one is at least 2 years old or younger : If I'm in a restaurant when I leave I have to drink four times out of the glass of water or soda left. four times have to be four sips four times I mean 4 sets of four sips and I was doing it even if there was no liquid on the glass!!! (New) so in this one I see a combination of repetition and numbers I guess in my head there really is safety in numbers (pun intended) haha and as I get older the OCD can become longer or more elaborate since it can contain layers or parts of another OCD or rituals.

I will continue this list for my benefit and maybe the benefit of others; in the hopes to illustrate on paper how ridiculous OCD can be. I've been up for less then an hour and I already performed 3 OCDs 3 unnecessary "rituals" some are so old that have become second nature, I'll start my day and keep documenting my silliness through out the day.

So for now remember there is Safety in numbers haha.

 

Be well.

Eddie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Getting rid of OCD

I've been dealing with OCD most of my life, and it is so frustrating at times to know that I can be a slave to so many irrational thoughts and feelings.

OCD as you may or may not know is "obsessive compulsive disorder" Basically you get obsessed about something, you get a feeling that you have to do something about it so you're compelled to do something irrational because well... is a disorder! I've been reading that is quite common, I thought I was alone for a long time, and I only knew one other person that felt or did this obsessive compulsion as I did, we called them "Rituals"

For a long time my theory was that this thoughts were some how installed in me; ingrained in me by the Catholic Church, not that I attended every mass on Sunday as a kid but, my mother and gramma did and all though I didn't even take catechism I new about how they prayed the rosary and how people prayed and it usually involved repeating the same prayer over and over (as if God didn't hear the first time) or as if it was a requirement of Him for us to repeat things over and over, the reason I'm talking about this is that some of the compulsions could be repeating things; sometimes even stuck on a loop. That's just one of the many many forms of obsessive compulsions that one can develop. there are so many to list here, but they govern how you do things, how often you do them, it can affect behavior, I believe must of them stem from a fear or feeling that something bad is going to happen; but it won't as long as you do "X thing" whatever the compulsion asks for, so here is an irrational thought creating an irrational fear or vice versa, doing them can bring some relief for the most part just; as long as they are performed on the irrational order it calls for and, you may get stuck on a loop until the right order is achieved, I know!!! Crazy right! Well we are not crazy but it is a disorder.

 

When I was seventeen my best friend died in a freak accident the details are not important for this writing, the point is that I had a huge loss to deal with to many feelings to deal with, not to mention that those years are kinda hard, almost out of high school trying to figure out life and stuff so I also blamed the OCD on that. I figured I was afraid because he died, I was afraid that it would happen to someone else, that I would loose someone else dear to me so I did some OCD. Again an irrational fear feeding irrational thoughts , all though it kinda makes sense doesn't it? But to my surprise even though that is a horrible thing to happen to anyone, OCD is a "disorder" not a punishment or a way to save the world and people, it surely is a way to feel better about something irrational in an irrational way, only temporarily, cause the entirety comes back and the OCD the rituals return or you make new ones.

Later on I got sick and of course more fear grew the OCD got worse and it became part of my life it became part of my being part of who I am something irrational became comfortable, I got use to it and I figure great ways to hide it from other people for fear that they would think I was crazy. I carried it with me everyday of my life, it's a bother, it's an unwanted companion, it is time consuming or I should say it is a waste of time, it could even be a danger to my self or to others and after 35 years or more or coping with it I am tired. NO MORE!

Maybe by taking about it and sharing it, maybe possibly even helping someone I will be helped by realizations as I write the silliness that OCD can be. It is so silly but at the same time it can cost you relationships, jobs, maybe your health, a lot of frustration for you and for the ones around you.That is why I'm writing this blog. I've did some research and found a couple of books that talk about it, one is written by a therapist and the other by a therapist that actually suffered from OCD so I decided to help my self and just by doing the research and reading just a little bit of one book I started following and developing my own program of recovery. I'm grabbing the bull by the horns I no longer want to be a slave to irrational thoughts and irrational fears that lead to irrational actions! I wish to document my experiences as I progress each day or each week. I've never wrote on a blog before but since the small research and the things I've been doing (or rather not doing) to help my condition so far have been so liberating I want to share to the world this experience, I feel like there are so many units of life within me that are trapped and I released some of them, I'll treat this as a journal of sorts so that maybe someone can be helped or find that we are not alone, we don't need to hide or be embarrass. We are not crazy. OCD is a disorder and there is plenty of help out there, it CAN be defeated and we can be free again.

So there's no need to count things, repeat things, do things a certain way every time, stepping on crack or not stepping on cracks, entering or living a building a certain way, no need to be like Monk or have irrational thoughts or irrational fears it's time to regain our lives and we can start by recognizing and admitting that OCD is a condition, that we are not alone, or the only ones that have it. We can overcome it! We can defeat it and live normal lives! We can regain all those units of life that have been trapped in silliness, and we can help others and ourselves just by talking about it.

So far I've accepted that it wasn't the Catholic Church nor my friends death, It wasn't me being sick nor some weird trauma. OCD is a disorder that makes us think and act in irrational ways, the more I learn about it I will post it here along with my progress. Later maybe we can even share some of our silliest OCDs with each other for now I'll brake the routine and go to bed in a different way and not follow the same ritual I've followed for years haha here is to freedom! Good night.

Be well.

Eddie.